Medical Q&A

I think we should have a medical questions page, with our very own Dr Phil



Dr Phil, please help me, I can't stop looking at kinky porn.

Can you help?

Yours sincerely
Kink Monster

Well, there are a few ways to treat this quite common illness. Firstly, physical punishment. You have the option of gouging out your eyes, which will remove the temptation and ability to look at said filth, however, that is in an extreme case. As eyes are generally useful in everyday life a less affecting treatment is to cut off your fingers. This will severly hamper your ability to type in those offensive url addresses and also anything else you might be tempted to do so whilst viewing it should you find a way to navigate to those things.

But, i digress, as a respected member of the psychriatric community, i would suggest to you that the desire to view such things is an attempt to fill a void you have in your own sexual experiances. My reccommened treatment is to have regular visits to your partner and act out those fantasies that interest you so. Once you have done things for yourself, you will no longer hamper a desire to watch others.

Dr Phil

I feel sick

Please help

aww pet you need a snuggly blanket and pampered

yes i think ur right

Good Day Sickey, its nice to have you in my clinic. As mentioned before, i mainly deal with psychriatric issues, but i have also dabbled with physical matters and will endeavour to aid you.

According to your message, you feel "sick". Unfortunately this is not a great deal to work with, but nevertheless, i beleive i can help. Firstly, most sickness is caused by seasonal bugs. As we are peddling quickly towards winter, have you considered that you may have the flu?? If you are having problems with your flu please contact a sweep and have it cleaned, it can really help with congestion and give you a much better airflow.

Also, could you have eaten anything strange or exotic lately? I tried eating a packet of dark chocolate digestives and drank a big bottle of pepsi and felt awful afterwards. Beleive me, the puppies on the roll were not smiling after a one to one session.

However, i digress, please forgive me as i tend to ramble, especially as i get paid for the amount of time i use up.

Lets get inside that noodle of yours, eh? The number one cause of most illness is stress, either physical or emotional. I think this could be causing you a bit of trouble. I myself am a great beleiver in having a good attitude towards life, take some time to yourself and persue some activities that you enjoy doing and make you feel good about yourself.

You see my picture on the left? That was taken just after i had kicked a teenager down the stairs. See how care-free and happy i am? Its great!

Seriously though, if you can manage to take it easy and relax once in a while it will really help.

Call me again for any help you require.

Dr. Phil

Dr Phil

Help!

just anything useful you've got to say... on anything

Well Shiny, im feeling extra good today, so i have a present for you lovely ladies. Keep your eyes here.

present?

Indeed, i placed it in the Bread Basket.

ahh ok

Like I said Phil

You're a bloody genius!